Hello beautiful people. I am not feeling too hot today but there was something I wanted to blog about, so here I am.
As some of you know, I have been dieting lately and working out and eating clean. I have lost 9 pounds this past month and as happy as I am about that, it was a rough month that involved a lot of self doubt. I am so hard on myself all of the time. In my mind I am never good enough and will never be good enough. I know a lot of that comes from the way you're raised and I really was never good enough growing up, I was told many times. I hate that it still affects my way of thinking as a grown adult and can't seem to push past it.
Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that I will learn to love myself if it's the last thing I do. I am tired of waking up every morning and weighing and allowing that to determine what kind of day I will have. I am tired of getting a shower at night and crying because I ate or drank something that I shouldn't have. It sucks the life out of me. I just want to enjoy life and my kids without thinking I have to look like society thinks I should. I see so many big beautiful women every single day who know they are gorgeous and aren't ashamed of the body God gave them. They rock their curves and don't care what anyone else thinks. I want that. I want to love the body that God made especially for me. The body that God loves me in.
I am still going to go for walks with my kids, because we enjoy it. And continue to eat healthy and drink my water because it makes me feel good. But I refuse to let it run my life. Losing weight is not why God put me here. The days of weighing every morning are over and the days of feeling like a failure because I ate something awful, are over. I have got to figure out how to love myself. And I will.