Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Struggling

I sit here tonight in the dark and quiet living room. KBoo is asleep in her room. Kevin and the pups asleep in ours and the baby asleep in my lap, attached, for no other reason than security. I think back on the day, as I do every night, and judge myself on what type of mom I was for the day. Was I fun and entertaining? Was I grouchy? Was I neglectful in any way? Was I loving? Did I give my kids enough attention, love, hugs, kisses?! Ugh! The list just keeps going. 
Do we as mothers all do this to ourselves? Or am I just nuts? Don't answer that! Ha! I beat myself up all of the time about how I am mothering my kids. And wish all the time I could be that mother that gets up and hour and a half before the rest of the family and gets a shower and gets dressed, apply my makeup and fix my hair, then make breakfast and have the dishes washed and put away along with all of the laundry. Wake the kids up with a smile on my face and pep in my voice and play with them all day long.
 Truth of the matter is, half the time we all stay in our pajamas all. day. long. Simply because every bit of energy I have goes to entertaining and playing with KBoo and nursing Isaac. We get dressed and ready if there is some place we have to be and that is about it. 
I sit and worry about all of this every single night but do you know that when I stop focusing on the little things, like getting dressed up, and just look at how polite and sweet and smart and fun (I could go on forever) KBoo is and how wonderful and unbelievably happy both my babies are, I know that without a doubt I am doing a pretty darn good job at this mommy thing. 
So, I guess the moral of my post is this, STOP comparing yourself to other moms, STOP competeting with other moms and STOP beating yourself up and judging yourself because YOU ARE A GREAT MOMMA! The sooner we realize this the sooner we will focus more on the things in life that really do matter. Heck! I may use the time like this I use up every night on a new hobby......or a bubble bath.....yeah, bubble bath sounds really good. 
Hugs to all you Mommas out there that take care of your kids, put their needs above your own, go days without a real shower (the ones your kids give you while you bathe them? Yeah, those don't count haha),years without some actual "me time", clean up everyone's mess a hundred times a day and feel totally unappreciated most of the time. I think we could all use a hug right about now. As always, God Bless.